


Proof

by moonwillow27458



Series: Things I posted on tumblr at 2am [8]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Caring Castiel (Supernatural), Consent Issues, Hurt Sam Winchester, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Gadreel (Supernatural), Season/Series 09, Self-Harm, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-08
Updated: 2020-11-08
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:41:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27458923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonwillow27458/pseuds/moonwillow27458
Summary: Things had been different since Gadreel...Cas finds Sam taking drastic measures to prove to himself that he was real, not being possessed against his will.
Relationships: Castiel/Sam Winchester
Series: Things I posted on tumblr at 2am [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1206759
Comments: 3
Kudos: 70





	Proof

**Author's Note:**

> This isn't necessarily Dean critical, but it is adjacent to it. I'm actually kinda angry that they never gave Sam a chance to address his trauma in the show beyond one line about him having nightmares. This is me take on how the trauma might actually affect him.

It had been a week since Dean left, and Cas was doing his best to look after Sam. 

Things had been different since Gadreel. Sam was different. Not that Cas blamed him, not in the slightest, but he didn’t know how to help. The times he’d found Sam staring off into space, or forgetting to eat, or refusing to sleep. He was starting to worry.

While he wasn’t entirely comfortable leaving Sam alone, there were times where he had to. Like when he’d found the kitchen empty of food. Cas would have taken Sam along with him, but he was asleep and Cas didn’t have the heart to wake him. It was the first time he’d looked peaceful in weeks.

He wish he’d never taken his eyes off Sam.

He got back to a silent bunker. At first, he assumed that Sam was asleep but his bedroom door was slightly ajar and there was no one on the bed. Sam wasn’t in his room. Not in the library, or the war room, or the kitchen. His grace was starting to fry in his bones.

Then he heard crying coming from one of the bathrooms. The sight inside broke his heart.

Sam was curled in on himself, arms wrapped tight around his knees. There were tears in his eyes, his breath softly hitching as he sobbed. His arms were red with something. With blood.

“Sam…” Cas sighed, though he didn’t mean to sound as pitying as he did. Sam didn’t even look up, barely acknowledged Castiel’s existence. Cas knelt down beside his friend, pulled his bloody forearms away from his legs. There were three deep cuts running across his arm like claw marks. About twenty scars in various stages of fading underneath. Cas’ jaw wobbled. “Oh, Sam…”

“’m sorry,” Sam whispered. He was trying to pull his wrist away from Cas’ gentle fingers, but Cas tightened his grip. “Cas, please. Don’t, not now.”

“I’m not angry,” Cas promised, because God Sam look terrified. He ran his hand over the cuts, wiping the blood away only for more to ooze out. “I’m not mad at you at all, but I want to know why.” He didn’t leave it up for discussion, because he knew Sam would just avoid it.

“It helps,” Sam said. Cas wanted to ask why, how? How could hurting yourself help in any sort of way, but Sam continued. “When… when Gadreel was possessing me, I never had any injuries. I get it now, he was healing me while I was out, but doing this - hurting myself and the cuts still being there in the morning. It proves to me that all of this is real, I’m not still trapped in my head.”

Cas didn’t know what to say. There was no way he could comfort Sam through this. Kind words wouldn’t heal the damage that Dean and Gadreel had done. He could try though. He wasn’t going to abandon Sam, not ever.

“Do you mind if I heal them?”

Sam looked taken aback. The cogs in his mind were working, Cas could see the momentary panic on his face. His heartbeat slowed down, and he finally shook his head. He held up his arm.

Instead of stroking over the cuts like he usually would, Cas kissed each one. His lips were light, not wanting to press down to hard on the tender flesh, but as he pulled away he saw the cuts disappearing. Sam watched in fascination as his skin stitched itself back together. Soon there was nothing left but blood stains.

“If you feel like this again, please tell me,” Cas begged. “I might not be able to do much, but I can help you tell the difference between reality and a nightmare. Better than this anyway.” Sam nodded, and although he wasn’t convinced Cas dropped it. Dropped the sad eyes and the oh so clear worry. He flashed the most fake, shakiest smile he had. 

“C'mon, I brought you back a salad.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!! I hope you enjoyed it. I post little snippets of stuff on my tumblr if you are interested in following (it's benevolentsam.tumblr.com)
> 
> Self harm is in no way a healthy coping mechanism. In this fic, Sam thinks it is helping but he is just drastically distracting himself. If you are struggling with similar thoughts, please tell someone around you.
> 
> I love you all


End file.
